Sometimes, I feel as though I could proclaim myself to be a self-assured/feminist/strong-minded/individual woman until the cows come home, yet still those teeny weeny insecurities would be whispering themselves into my head. I do not feel I am as insecure as most, especially as the average 18 year old girl, but still at times I look in the mirror and think oh, I just wish I didn't have such a blah blah of a blah blah
or am I the only person who hates their blah blah so much?
So, introducing, Ms Violet's Self-Pitying List Of Problems With Her Body
- I have problems with my eyebrows. I look at all these perfect eyebrows, and I can't help feel that I more resemble a certain Muppet. Okay, well I don't exactly have a monobrow, but they do seem bushier than most.
- According to my BMI, I am very slightly underweight. Fatties feel it is appropriate to bitch me about this as, according to them, skinny people are emotionless robots who no doubt have no feelings. Piss off.
- I have ugly feet. My toes are unnaturally long and hairy, and at times I can definitely see bunions rearing their ugly heads. Thanks for those buggers, mother dear.
- I have a big ol' broken nose, which makes me feel ill as a bill when I see photographs of my side profile.
- My posture is terrible. I always seem to be lurching over myself like some goddamn crooked old lady and, apparently, this has also caused me to gain a double chin.
- I'm pale. And it ain't mysterious, buddy.
- My boobs are too big for the rest of my tiny frame. And I worry that in the future I will have some ugly, saggy, old-lady breasts.
Well, I'm sure I've painted a pretty as hell picture of myself there (note to self: do NOT type "ugly woman" into Google Image Search. Good lord, there are some less-than-blessed folk out there). Actually, to be honest, I'm not that bad.
So now, introducing, Ms Violet's Self-Praising List Of Great Things About Her Body:
- Who wants ugly drawn-on eyebrows, anyway? Brooke Shields, Audrey Hepburn, etc all have individual looking brows that add to their beauty. All I have to do is shape them a little and hey - even Bert could look sexy with a little plucking.
- So, I'm a couple of pounds underweight - big bleedin' deal. I eat well and I've grown to love my tiny waist. In fact, I've noticed that I'm finally growing some womanly hips, which make me look slightly less stick-esque. And, you know, at least I'm not fat.
- Nobody looks at my feet anyway and they are a nice size and it'll be years until my bunion starts to really grow anyway.
- Okay, so my nose is broken and there's not a lot I can do it. So, I will embrace it; it gives me character and an interesting story to tell (sister whacked me on the nose with a magnifying glass when I was about 11. See. Told you it was interesting.)
- I can change my posture as it's just a matter of getting into the habit of standing properly. But, like, you know, I just can't be arsed right now.
- I can always tan, if I hate my pale skin so much. But, when I think about it, pale skin really can be beautiful.
- Damn it girl, you have nice big boobs! I can't really complain, when I think about it. There are women out there that would die (or pay a lot of money) for 34D breasts on a slim body like mine. And you know what? I like how they look in little tops. There - I said it.
So, it's not all bad. After all, I could be fat.
Ms. Violet, 8:05 PM